You know when you're talking to someone and you're like "UGH, you're such a selfish, bratty asshole" and they're like "hot yoga is so cleansing" and you want to stab yourself in the leg?
You know when you're almost going to shit your pants at your desk and someone emails you and is like "hey can you scan me those invoices" and you're like ..."I just took a shit in my pants brb"
You know when your cat is rubbing her body against your leg at 7 am while you're making coffee and you fantasize about punting her but don't and then feel like a bad person for having such violent thoughts and then you're like UGH I fucking HATE French Vanilla coffee who buys this shit.
You know when this morning you were thinking why doesn't so & so try to bang me and then you remember yourself at CVS last night in your stained sweatpants saying to yourself "FUCK IT WHATEVER" as your hand made contact with Ben & Jerry's CD (Cookie Dough, for you layman).
You know when you're complaining to your friend about being a lazy piece of shit and she's like, "No, you're not, Jinessa. You're always so busy."
You know when someone texts you and they're like "are you free to talk right now?" and you're like "No, I'm in a meeting" but you're not in a meeting?
You know when you keep missing the same persons calls, and you're like "They always call at the wrong time." And then your friend Reyshawn is like, "it'll never be the right time." and you're like, "OMG, you are so right. I just had an ephiphany! It's not the timing, it's just that I never want to talk to her." And Reyshawn is like, "that'll be $6.89."
You know when you're like, "all my friends are white. UGH. I need to diversify."
You know when you think about making your own hummus for 12 seconds then you're like, "WHO WAS I KIDDING! I'm not making my own hummus!" and then you wipe the sweat off your eyebrows and you're like, PHEW. That was intense.
You know when you're almost going to shit your pants at your desk and someone emails you and is like "hey can you scan me those invoices" and you're like ..."I just took a shit in my pants brb"
You know when your cat is rubbing her body against your leg at 7 am while you're making coffee and you fantasize about punting her but don't and then feel like a bad person for having such violent thoughts and then you're like UGH I fucking HATE French Vanilla coffee who buys this shit.
You know when this morning you were thinking why doesn't so & so try to bang me and then you remember yourself at CVS last night in your stained sweatpants saying to yourself "FUCK IT WHATEVER" as your hand made contact with Ben & Jerry's CD (Cookie Dough, for you layman).
You know when you're complaining to your friend about being a lazy piece of shit and she's like, "No, you're not, Jinessa. You're always so busy."
You know when someone texts you and they're like "are you free to talk right now?" and you're like "No, I'm in a meeting" but you're not in a meeting?
You know when you keep missing the same persons calls, and you're like "They always call at the wrong time." And then your friend Reyshawn is like, "it'll never be the right time." and you're like, "OMG, you are so right. I just had an ephiphany! It's not the timing, it's just that I never want to talk to her." And Reyshawn is like, "that'll be $6.89."
You know when you're like, "all my friends are white. UGH. I need to diversify."
You know when you think about making your own hummus for 12 seconds then you're like, "WHO WAS I KIDDING! I'm not making my own hummus!" and then you wipe the sweat off your eyebrows and you're like, PHEW. That was intense.
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