I need reading material in the shitter. Ideally, my favourite (douche) periodical, US Weekly, or something of the like. If it would be the top choice on the reading list of a 14 year old girl, that's what I want. But, I'll read anything. Actually, now that I think about it, my reading interests for the bathroom are the same for the waiting room at the doctors office, minus a Highlights, Prevention, or Pregnancy magazine. All of which I would still read while shitting, I just would never prefer them. In the bathrooms at my parents house, there is AMPLE reading material. All sorts of mags, inspirational quote books, AARP, Delia's catalogue (jk), Aamo Magazine (gun mag!), Cabela's (a camping magazine--no one in my family goes camping, but still); Mom keeps it stocked. Is this a Jewish thing, I wondered? Because I started thinking about all my Jew friends and their bathrooms, and I realized, in all of these Judaic WCs, there are plentiful reading materials, and extra toilet paper rolls within reach. My gentile friends on the other hand--no reading material! In a gentile bathroom, there is no evidence that a long, painful (or pleasant!) shit has ever taken place. No artifacts left behind! Jews set their bathrooms up like a living room and feel no shame in doing so. In stocking it with things to do, we're saying to the world, "Yeah! We spend a good amount of time in here. And why not make it fun and educational?" We're not afraid to make shitting enjoyable. And the gentile commodes--what do you guys DO in there? Is your shitting so easy and quick that not a page is needed to help things get rolling? Does not a bead of sweat appear upon your brow? Are you even shitting in there? I know you are, but I feel like the message you're sending to me with your magazineless bathroom is like, "Nope. Nothing's happening in here. Shitting? What? Nah... I don't shit. I don't even have an asshole...yeah, I know, isn't that weird?" It may be a blanket statement but my Jewish friends communicate about their shitting at a MUCH higher frequency than my non-Jew friends.
In the event that there is no reading material in a bathroom for me, I will read anything. Such as: shampoo bottles, body wash containers, face wash ingredients, Lysol warning labels, the Binghamton Bearcats Alumni Magazine, ANYTHING. If it has words on it, I'm going in.
Just some anthropological observations. I was talking about this last night with my friend and we were laughing so fucking hard. The fact that we will frantically read Shampoo bottle labels KILLS ME. Why do we do that? What's the psychology behind the need to read while dropping one? Do you guys know?
xoxo
In the event that there is no reading material in a bathroom for me, I will read anything. Such as: shampoo bottles, body wash containers, face wash ingredients, Lysol warning labels, the Binghamton Bearcats Alumni Magazine, ANYTHING. If it has words on it, I'm going in.
Just some anthropological observations. I was talking about this last night with my friend and we were laughing so fucking hard. The fact that we will frantically read Shampoo bottle labels KILLS ME. Why do we do that? What's the psychology behind the need to read while dropping one? Do you guys know?
xoxo
Ay this is really funny, and by the way ari was one of those we don't have magazines in the batroom people- she converted tho.
ReplyDeleteand also what is up with those people who take a shit in like one minute and then their out of the bathroom, are they fucking kidding? I mean i could she if you're courting a possible mate or at a special event where people will say " hey hasn't ay been in the shiter for like a half hour now" but besides that i like to enjoy kick it in there myself.
Hilarious post! My Jewish mother has the bathroom stock piled of goodies as well... joke books, cooking magazines, every single reader's digest from the past year, exercise books (seriously). However, I too have spent some time with a Lysol can getting down to the nitty gritty of all the chemical names... wondering who came up with the advertising campaign, etc. Very fun post.
ReplyDelete